My Story

Every time he is arrested, it brings up the strangest emotions. I am thankful he is now locked up and can not search for me. I hope he goes away forever so that I can live my life without having to hide. The excitement for not having to constantly worry about information leaking is gone.  Then, I always seem to mourn the person that is long gone. The one who wanted to get his life together and have a normal life. The one who was in school to be a paralegal and fight the corru

Boundaries Boundaries with my addict. I had to stew on that thought. I tried setting boundaries and he would just push through them. I...

Leave Me Alone Sometimes all my safe guards seem to fail at once. The people I trusted to keep me safe sometimes fail me.  Last night,...

Love When I think of love, it is impossible not to think of you. Everything I ever wanted was the life I had with you before your...

PTSD As I sit here on my bathroom floor having an anxiety attack, I can’t help but beat myself up for acting this way. Why does one...

Trigger Battle My brain is trying to ignore how I feel but my body is screaming. I seem calm but with every breath I am on the verge of...

The Day Our Son Was Born It had been 3 long days in labor and delivery. I had to be induced and our son did not want to make an appearance. My then husband would disappear for extended periods of time. He would say he walked to the store, etc. Months later when I cleaned out my car, I found his rolled up burnt papers from smoking crack. The only time he had been in my car by himself was the week I was in the hospital when our son was born.  I had finally reached 9cm and I cal

The Beginning I am on a journey trying to embrace my trauma. I need to stop fighting the flashbacks and triggers and allow them to exist...

The Truth On Jan 1st, 2016, after disappearing for 15 hours, my husband finally returned home. I was attempting to sleep on the couch...

Here I Am Here I am, living the life we always dreamed of. Without you. Living my best life, minus my best friend. Raising the most...

Nightmares I have had 2 days of awful nightmares and I am just angry today. I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to be constantly...