Love

Love

When I think of love, it is impossible not to think of you. Everything I ever wanted was the life I had with you before your addiction took over. When I think of my future, the plans of what I want are the plans I had with you, except now you can no longer be here.

Someone recently asked me, if I had one day left to live, what would I do? I couldn't answer it honestly, because it cancels out everything I work on to move forward.

If I had one day left to live I would find you, wherever you are, and give you the biggest hug I have ever given. I would not want to spend one more second out of your arms. I would kiss you and let it take over my body just the way I remember it doing. I would let you see our son and love him like you should've of for the past 4 years. We would have the family day I daydreamed about over and over in my head when I couldn't control my thoughts. He would show you everything he possibly could think of to show you because he would be just as excited to see you.

I would walk holding your hand, letting it wash away all my worry and fear like it used to, with our son holding your other hand. You could show him how to skate, how to ride a bike, how to fish-all of the things I am not good at showing him.

I would play our favorite music and get lost in the words like we used to and you and our son could have the epic dance parties that he has been rehearsing for. He loves to dance just as much as you do. 

I would sit and just listen to the two of you laugh together, it would be the best sound I have ever heard.

At the end of the day, we could all cuddle on the couch, eating popcorn and watching a movie. Both of us laying in your arms like we never left them.

If I only had one day left to live, I would spend it with you, pretending like addiction never took over our life. Pretending that our dreams did all come true and that we were one big happy family. In the end of the world, all I want is you.